Tuesday, 15 October 2019

Time for Tea: What kind of woman?

There’s a lot of talk about how men are dicks. Men are to blame for this and that... 
Men do lots wrong and yes, men cheat; I feel like society focuses on that a lot. 
A man will be remembered as a cheater. A name will be brought up and the automatic ‘he cheated on his wife’ response follows. Not to say that it's not forgiven, but it’s always remembered. 


This might be an unpopular opinion but the woman involved, (and I’m generalising here) or the 'other party' has it all brushed off.

This little ramble stems from a poll I did on Twitter recently. I asked if anyone who had ever worked in an office knew of an office affair, of someone there in a relationship-of -sorts with a partner at home. I think you know where I'm going here, the most common answer was yes.

Over the years I’ve worked in many offices and it every single one I knew about an affair going on. I have so many stories I could tell but there just isn’t the time. Maybe one day I'll write a book. 

One time my (married with kids) boss sent every girl in the office a rose on Valentines day, which was very sweet but I knew it was the way he got around sending his PA a bigger bunch without anyone raising an eyebrow. My eyebrow very much raised as said PA (newly married with a baby) trained me and left her e-mails open while she 'left me to it' (or went to do jobs for her boss but whatever...) A bored temp who can file papers quickly finds ways of passing the time. Those e-mails revealed a lot about what her and the boss got up to and it was much more than making the coffee and booking the meeting rooms, let me tell you!

At another job, a work friendship of mine ended due to her telling the (married to a model, with a kid together) boss that she’d been filling me in on details of their dates and nights in the back of his Range Rover. He swiftly made me redundant too so that was fun. 

I know a very large company which has trips away where almost everyone is up to no good behind their partner’s backs. And everyone covers for each other. Or at least they try to. 

Now, in the cases I’ve mentioned it’s the men that are married and/or have kids. It’s still wrong when it’s someone’s boyfriend but I think it’s got more to it when there’s a marriage or children involved so I’m focusing on them, the husbands. 

The men are cheating with someone. Someone who thinks that’s ok. A girl who would do that to another girl. To someone at home looking after that man’s kids while he has dinners and drinks away at bars, theme parks or race courses. In some cases to pregnant women. What kind of girl thinks that’s ok?! I can’t help but feel that these girls get off scot-free. The men (when they are found out) are outed as cheating scum while the girl moves on to her next victim- never to actually settle of course. Maybe it’s the type of girl that doesn’t suit relationships, she has commitment problems or daddy issues. The need to feel significant for a few hours far out ways any pride or dignity. 

Maybe not knowing the wife makes it easier, I’d like to think if it was a friend of theirs they would act differently but who knows...
All they need to do is block their social accounts and move on. There’s no real repercussions, nothing to lose. 

If a friend of mine sat me down all ‘guess what, I’ve been seeing this guy! He’s married, his wife is pregnant but that doesn’t matter...’ I’d be calling her some names that rhyme with ‘hut’ and ‘ducking tanky itch’.

 It’s just not ok to be ‘that girl’. Even emotional cheating, not quite getting (pardon the phrase) ‘in there’ but implying it; being that one that is on the end of the phone for random texts, selfies and chats about your day, it’s still not right. Anything behind the wive’s back is not ok. It’s not a case of “I’m not married, he’s the one who’s in the wrong- not me!’ No, you both are! You lumped yourself right into the category of wrong when this started. Yes he should address any problems in his relationship with his wife but any woman with any form of moral compass would not move forward til he did so. 

In this age of feminism and having the ‘girls support girls’ anthem rammed down our throats on every slogan tee on the market we should be better. You should be better. So fucking stop it. 


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