Tuesday, 15 October 2019

Time for Tea: What kind of woman?

There’s a lot of talk about how men are dicks. So many glossy magazines will be filled with articles about these awful types of men. They focus on the most trivial thing right up to the serious suff,  we love to pick on the guys. 

Men load the dishwasher badly, they leave socks on the floor and oh ...yes, men cheat; I feel like society focuses on that a lot. The guys in relationships taking off the wedding ring on nights out, having secret Tinder accounts. Some leading double lives. 

A man will be remembered as a cheater. A name will be brought up and the automatic ‘he cheated on his wife’ response follows. Not to say that it's not forgiven, but it’s always remembered. 


It takes two to tango. 

This might be an unpopular opinion but the woman involved, (and I’m generalising here)  has it all brushed off. She's the innocent one, her name isn't tarnished. Not that I've known of anyway, and I can only write from my own perspective here. 

This little ramble stems from a poll I did on Twitter recently. I asked if anyone who had ever worked in an office knew of an office affair. If anybody knew of a work collegue in a relationship-of-sorts at work but also had a partner at home. I think you know where I'm going here, the most common answer was yes. It was very common to know a guy with a 'work wife' and a Mrs at home with the kids. 

I’ve worked in many offices and in every single one I knew about an affair going on. I have so many stories I could tell but there just isn’t the time. Maybe one day I'll write a book. 

I should write a book! 

One time my (married with kids) boss sent every girl in the office a rose on Valentines day, which was very sweet but I knew it was the way he got around sending his PA a bigger bunch without anyone raising an eyebrow. My eyebrow very much raised as said PA (newly married with a baby) trained me and left her e-mails open while she 'left me to it' (or went to do jobs for her boss but whatever...) A bored temp who can file papers quickly finds ways of passing the time. Those e-mails revealed a lot about what her and the boss got up to and it was much more than making the coffee and booking the meeting rooms, let me tell you! there wasn't a care in the world for the partners outside of the office, it was like they didn't exist. 

At another job, a work friendship of mine ended due to her telling the (married to a model, with a kid together) boss that she’d been filling me in on details of their dates and nights in the back of his Range Rover. He swiftly made me redundant... so that was fun. No, I did not tell the wife, even though I probably should have. 

I know a very large restaurant booking platform where their company has trips away where almost everyone is up to no good behind their partner’s backs. They make out it's all for work purposes but there is very little work being done. And everyone covers for each other. Or at least they try to. I could out SO many people at this company. Believe me, it has been very tempting to name and shame!

Now, in the cases I’ve mentioned it’s the men that have the family at home. It’s still wrong when it’s someone’s boyfriend but I think it’s got more to it when there’s a marriage or children involved so I’m focusing on them- the husbands. Some are recently married, their instagram filled with wedding photos and beautiful shots from their exotic honeymoon, some even have babies on the way. It appears that they have a wonderful relationship, and their wife may even think so -  but she doesn't know the full story. 

You might be getting as angry as I me here, what utter scumbags, right? But the men are cheating with someone. Someone who thinks that’s ok. Someone who threw girl code out  the window for a bit of attention when she wasn't hitting targets. A girl who would do that to another women. A girl that has no thought for the woman at home looking after that man’s kids while he has dinners and drinks away at bars, theme parks or race courses. In some cases to pregnant women, which is the lowest of the low.

What kind of girl thinks that’s ok?!

I can’t help but feel that these girls get off scot-free. The men (when they are found out) are outed as cheating scum while the girl moves on to her next victim- never to actually settle of course. Maybe it’s the type of girl that doesn’t suit relationships, she has commitment problems or daddy issues. The need to feel significant for a few hours far out ways any pride or dignity. 

Maybe not knowing the wife makes it easier, I’d like to think if it was a friend of theirs they would act differently but who knows...
All they need to do is block their social accounts and move on. There’s no real repercussions, nothing to lose. 

If a friend of mine sat me down all ‘guess what, I’ve been seeing this guy! He’s married, his wife is pregnant but that doesn’t matter...’ I’d be calling her some names that rhyme with ‘hut’ and ‘ducking tanky itch’.

 It’s just not ok to be ‘that girl’. Even emotional cheating, not quite getting (pardon the phrase) ‘in there’ but implying it;  morning texts, attention seeking selfies, replying heart eyes or flames to insta stories, it’s still not right. Fuelling each others ego at the expense of someone else. 

"You get me all to yourself today ;) ..."

Anything behind the wive’s back is not ok. If you feel it needs to be kept secret, it's a problem. It’s not a case of “I’m not married, he’s the one who’s in the wrong- not me!’ No, you both are! You lumped yourself right into the category of wrong when this started. Yes, he should address any problems in his relationship with his wife but any woman with any form of moral compass would not move forward til he did so. And the other woman who cover for the guys doing this - you're just as bad! We're supposed to look out for each other. 

I could talk about this subject for hours, but I just wanted to vent so I'm keeping it brief. 

In this age of feminism and having the ‘girls support girls’ anthem rammed down our throats on every slogan tee on the market we should be better. You should be better. So fucking stop it.