Tuesday, 30 January 2018

Consent is Sexy

Back in my youth  magazines were filled with 'hilarious' articles titled 'When Sex Goes Wrong'. These were usually tales of somebody getting their toe stuck in a tap or shouting 'Ahh Bisto' at the crucial moment. Fast forward  ten years and the tales of sex going wrong are a far more sordid affair; Sex being used as a form of currency, revenge porn, the excuse of 'lad banter', and boundaries that just aren't being respected. 

Thankfully slut shaming is on it's way out, women are talking about their experiences and sex is less of a taboo. We're all being a lot more open and sexually liberated. This was most apparent to me about 5 years ago when I was on a packed train surrounded by (mainly) women proudly reading 50 Shades of Grey before starting their working day. While it's great we're open to being a lot more adventurous we're being reminded that consent is massively important, whether in a relationship or not. Unlike Christian there's no grey area. It all boils down to two key elements, respect and communication.  

We want to be able to be as adventurous as we like but we have to respect our partner at the same time, make sure you're both on the same page. It's important to understand the boundaries early on.

Whether in a long term relationship or a new fling it's all about communication, not just in the nature of safety, but it will make the whole experience itself a lot more enjoyable! Talking about what your partner is into gives you an insight how to rock their bloody world! If you're a bit stuck in a rut it's a good way to bring a spark back to the relationship.


One way to spice things up a bit and dip your toe into the water (so to speak) is to try out some new underwear. This can be a cute little set from the high street, swapping your trusty spanx for 'genuinely tiny knickers' (a nod to Bridget Jones there) or a cute came. Basically anything that makes you feel sexy will do the job. 

For something slightly more provocative head over to Twisted Lingerie and take a look at their gorgeous selection of underwear. Their mission is  'to empower women to embrace their desires'. They were founded as there was a severe lack of affordable erotic wear available so they have made it easy to find something adventurous without breaking the bank. We all know January has been the longest month ever (it's still not over- how?!) and you don't want to be spending a fortune when you're experimenting. I've always been of the opinion 'why would I spend hundreds of pounds if I'm only going to be taking it off?' So don't worry, these are not Agent Provocateur prices, they even have a student discount!

One of my favourite pieces is the Xenia Gold Playsuit. It would actually look great under a sheer blouse in replace of a bralette. A little hint of the garment underneath is quite exciting and the mixture of mesh with the satin straps makes it really sexy without getting immediate fetish club vibes. 


I like how the a gold metal adds a nice bit of detail and the adjustable straps ensure you have a comfortable size.

Twisted have a great selection and it's an easy way to pick the pieces you like  to create your own set. You can even get some strappy knickers and pair them with a bra of your own or get a mesh bra with some silky knickers from Primark - you have the freedom to do what you like and that's a good message to take with you to the bedroom. 

At some point before getting partially naked with someone you should do as Salt-N-Pepa said in the 90s and talk about sexy, babyWhat you've done before, what you'd like to try and especially the definite no no's.

Not to get too serious but  health conditions might be worth mentioning if you get high blood pressure or something -nobody wants a embarrassing trip to A & E in your new bondage gear clutching your inhaler. If you're into the really kinky stuff and want to tie someone up be sensible and don't cover both the mouth and the nose. It's just common sense. Also agree on a word or gesture that means stop, it's very important to make sure both people (or all people -I'm not one to judge!) are happy.

The average persons sex drive is higher in winter so it's no wonder we all seem to know loads of people with birthdays in September, October, and November - you're thinking about it now, aren't you?

With Valentines Day coming up and with it being too damn cold to go out it's preferable to have nights in with your lover/bae/loved one/tinderella. And what better time to get a bit adventurous...

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