Sunday, 24 August 2014

Be kind online

I've had a couple of down days recently. I had my Grandads funeral and had to plan my son's birthday along with feeling like I hadn't done enough for him or given him enough presents. I felt like I hadn't been there for my Mum who had just lost her Dad. I wasn't spending enough time with my best friend who does so much for me. I was screaming behind a brave face.
 To add to all of this we have a couple of worries in our little family ourselves. I don't like to share too much of my personal life but I needed to get this out.

I wonder,  If you knew how bad things were for someone would you want to add to their problems?


You'd look at my social media accounts and you wouldn't know how I'm feeling. Yes, I have the odd rant on Twitter but you would never know the problems that I have. You look at pictures and updates and it all looks great, from picture to picture I'm having a great time. It's what goes on between the pictures and what's happening behind the screen, that's the real stuff.

What I'm trying to say through this ramble is that you can never judge how someone is feeling on the inside. If you judge someone by their social media you are getting the tiniest glimpse in to their lives. What I post online is by no means fake, but there is so much more to what's going on in my life. I imagine it's the same for others too.

I don't get paid for looking after my son, no benefits, no help with ridiculous prescription costs... nothing. Everything is out of our own pocket and we work hard. I'm not complaining at all, I love looking after our home and having the flexibility to fit work around my son's nap times. For doing this I don't feel entitled to anything, It's a privilege that we can support our family so I can be home with my son and rest where possible, I'd never ask for extra privileges on top of it. 

I haven't treated myself to new clothes in months and months. Most of the clothes I wear are way too big from when I was a size or two larger, I just get on with it. 
I had my hair done the other day, the first time in almost a year and it was because my roots were just ridiculous and my partner decided I needed a treat. I actually felt pretty uncomfortable at the thought of his money being spent on me so I went and sold a ring I never wear to pay for it. I felt terrible the whole time, that money could be spent on a treat for M or something for all of us - but I know I need to put myself first from time to time.


I'm lucky to be sent products to review and get exciting opportunities in my inbox daily. Occasionally I buy the odd thing or two from Boots but long gone are the days where I impulse buy! For example the body scrub I needed the other day  (to scrub off the tan I was wearing to try one for review) along with shower gel that was needed to replace our one, I did a lot of research while also finding vouchers online before finally passing over our money. I use O2 priority for free Cafe Nero, Tesco Reward Points  and mystery shopping for meals out, I have birthday vouchers saved up for when I want a new lipstick and of course there's those lovely Boots points! I use everything available to try and keep afloat without feeling like I'm spending unnecessarily.  

It's silly I feel the need to justify this, but I don't like the way things can look. That kind of materialistic, selfish vibe that is just not me. I never ask for a thing. I never would, I'm lucky enough to spend time with my son and get help from friends and family when I'm too weak to carry him. 

So on the outside it may seem like some people have it all, but from picture to picture, blog post to blog post you don't see what's really going on.

Just see the bigger picture and watch what you say to people, even the strongest person could be suffering on the inside and one comment at the wrong time could tip them over the edge. 

 But how can 140 characters tell you how someone is feeling on the inside? 

I've never understood the keyboard warrior thing, those people who just pick fights on the internet and always seem to have something to own about. It's just not healthy for anyone. 
We often hear about these kind of instances when it's too late. We hear people ask 'why did they think things were so bad?' Sometimes they are, and a little bit of compassion and understanding could actually save someone. You can't see someones face behind a screen, if you saw someone on the street crying would you add to their problems by going up to them and say 'love, your make up is a bit much today?' it is a horrible thing to do! You can't see how someone is feeling online so you need to watch what you type. Imagine your words were the ones that tipped someone over the edge -you wouldn't be able to live with yourself. 

On the flip side, your kind words could save someone. Good/poor timing can make a massive difference so choose wisely, stop for a minute and be kind.



  1. I'm sorry to hear about all the things you've been struggling with, but I am glad you were brave enough to write this post. I'm glad someone has written it. It sometimes feels although just because interaction is not face to face people can say what they want and not think about how their words can hurt. I agree with and relate to so much you have posted that you have no idea. I feel although you have said everything I was thinking and I thank you. I really hope you have better days ahead and keep up the great work.


    1. thank you so much, it really means a lot to get such a lovely comment! :)

  2. Absolutely incredible post Hun, good for you for being brave to post something so open and honest. I don't want to hear you feeling guilty for being a stay-at-home mum, do you know how much your son will benefit from that??? Your son is lucky to have his mum at home. My mum was home for me as a child and I am so grateful for that fact. I feel myself filling up that you feel you have to justify yourself to others.

    I really hope you start to feel better soon and don't let a troll hiding behind a computer screen upset you, they're really not worth it.

    Lauren xxx

    1. Your comment bought a tear to my eye. I really hope he does benefit from me being around. I know I shouldn't have to justify myself, sometimes I need to get my thoughts ut and what better place than here, right? xx

  3. This is such an important post, and something so regularly forgotten by everyone. Social media allows you to post exactly what you want to, meaning you can make your life look so much better than it is and leave out certain details you feel no need to share. You shouldn't feel bad for not working, my sister is a stay at home mum and her husband works, and some times it does make her feel guilty, but being a mother is such an important job! And I'm sure your son appreciates all the time he gets to spend with your, and your partner appreciates everything you do - and everyone deserves a treat!

    It gets me down a ridiculous amount when someone makes a small remark to me online, I'm never sure if I'm too sensitive when it comes to social media, but truly people just don't think about what they're saying because they can hide behind a screen. It's hard to say don't let people get you down, but I really hope you start to feel better soon! You're doing an amazing job :)

    Issy xx

  4. I'm glad it;s not just me when little comments get to me. It's very cleat when people are being vindictive and just trying to cause hurt.
    We just all need to try and be nice to each other.

    Thanks for your lovely comment xx

  5. Hi - I'm a stay at home mum too and I gave up my job 7 years ago to look after my two kids. I feel incredibly privileged but also, like you, want to contribute to the family coffers which I do mainly by entering competitions. Occasionally I get stuff to review for the blog and I also do surveys, mystery shop and use loyalty cards. We seem to think the same way. All I'd say is that your contribution is as valuable as your partners and I think you need to be a bit kinder to yourself and accept the occasional treat. You earned it you know x

    1. Thanks Linda, I'm glad you understand. Staying at home has it's perks for sure. You're right, I do need to realise that what I do is just as important