my NYE nails
In previous posts you might have seen me mention my 'lovely friends' I mean it with no sarcasm at all. The reason I define them as lovely is so they are not mixed up with the awful people I used to know. There was a girl who tried to ruin my life last year, she made it her mission to take a lot of friends away from me and tried to crush me, she made me have one of the worst years ever and after almost 8 years of her being my 'friend' she's now out of my life and I'm surrounded by such wonderful people. I just know I'm on the way up. I don't want to dwell on the bad stuff too much so this post is about how far I've come and what I went through in 2013.
We moved into my parents at the beginning of last year after finding mould all over our flat -honestly, it was everywhere! Our son was only a few months old and we were really worried about his health. After lots of fighting with our landlady we decided we had to leave. We had to wait for our deposit to find another place, so moving in with my parents was the best option. It had its ups and downs, I love my family, they are amazing and all do so much for us. I felt bad that we were taking their space away from them so it was nice when we got our own flat again. I was scared at first, I'd had so much help with Mason and I was so weak and ill from all the stress caused by that girl, I wasn't sure I'd be able to manage on my own when Sam was at work. But I've done it, I may have felt a bit like I was thrown in at the deep end but sometimes that's the best way to face things. I'm now so much more confident in being a mum and I'm getting stronger every day.
People moving away
My closest friend moved abroad a few months after I moved in with my parents. She was the one person I could confide in so that hit me quite hard while I was going through so much. I tried to pour my heart out to her over e-mail but it wasn't really the same and if I was replying in the right mood I could gloss over how I was really feeling. We eventually became so distant I couldn't talk to her anymore. I became so much more reserved without her around and I felt I had no one to turn to. My partner Sam is my absolute rock and has helped me with a lot but sometimes you need a girls point of view when you're feeling insecure. Shortly afterwards my brother moved in with his girlfriend over 2 hours away, we're really close so the thought of them not just being around the corner was hard to take. It's all worked out for the best, when they visit it's great and I get to spend some quality time with them. It's possibly made us even closer.
There were 2 weddings in which I was bridesmaid for in 2013, the first was so lovely, even though I was feeling so insecure about how I looked and I hated being away from Mason for so long. I was incredibly uncomfortable but the day was beautiful and you could see how in love my friends were.
The less said about the second, the better.
Mason turned 1 in the Summer and on the day of his party he decided to walk! It was such an amazing moment. My brother and girlfriend had come to pick us up before the party and as we were getting our stuff together we saw Mason was stood up, he was so casual, practically with one hand in a pocket, just chilling. We all went 'Mason, you're standing!' and he just took his steps like it was no problem at all. I was pleased my brother was there to see it too.
Last year I got closer to my oldest friend, Amy. She has been amazing, I can probably even thank her for 'that girl' being out of my life as it was this post on how grateful I was for her friendship that tipped her(that girl) over the edge and resulted in her sending nasty e-mails about me to my friends that I "wasn't meant to see" which accidentally ended up in my inbox.
Amy has a gorgeous little girl who Mason adores and we have a great time all hanging out. She's made me be myself again and made me laugh more in the last few months than I have in the the last few years! I've loved looking back on all our memories together and for Christmas I made her a gift with 12 envelopes for each month of the year and inside is a plan for us to spend some time together doing something fun. I can't wait!
Moving away from negative people has been the biggest change, if a late one! I've been blessed with some amazing people in my life and I was wasting my time spending it with people who had a negative impact on me. I'm really close to my old work girls who have always known how to cheer me up, when I catch up with them I'm always left smiling and wishing we had more time together. Sam's mates and their girlfriends are some of the most beautiful people I've met and seeing them more has really shown me how much nicer it is to be around the right people. I have a friend I've known since I was 18 who has helped me out with Mason so much while I've not been well, he'll never know how much my family appreciates him, he's got a heart of gold and will do anything for anyone. And of course the blogging community is such a positive one it's hard to not get on with lovely girls who have the same love for beauty as you!
With all of the stress the year I lost a lot of weight. With the worry of fitting into bridesmaid dresses I made sure I didn't eat too much and I got very into exercise. I didn't want to bother people who had weddings to plan with my problems, I just kept so much to myself. My health plummeted, I was too weak to even pick up Mason, my skin was awful, and I was in and out of hospital, having infusions and all sorts. But with help from supplements and being much less stressed I'm the healthiest I've been in a long long time. My friends have commented on how well I look and I even look stronger in the way I walk.
I'm going into 2014 feeling positive and I plan to keep it that way. We've got a Mason jar (very appropriate for us as it's our sons name) and we're going to fill it with little memories of this year that make us smile.
I don't want to use the cliche that 2014 is 'my year,' but I really feel like it is!